Sunday, October 31, 2010

I'm so tired

Let me tell you what I'm tired of. I'm tired of always having to count on other people to get the things that I need. Like waiting for 3 years to have a yard sale because I have so much stuff piling up to get rid of, but I can't have a yard sale by myself. Like waiting for people to buy my lamps on etsy.com because I'm broke as hell right now. Like waiting for a doctor's approval to put Mike into the clinical trial I found that cured 8 people of their brain tumors. Like waiting for a goddamn man to grow up so I can have the family that I have always wanted and the house that I have always wanted because I can't afford to live by myself. I'm tired of other people not caring. I'm tired of having to rely on people who are unreliable. Am I the only one around here who does what I say I'm going to do? I do what I say I'm going to do, and I'm not wishy washy about it. I make up my damn mind and stick to it. That's why I can't stand having to wait for others. It goes against my nature, I'm an only child and a Taurus. Which means that I have always done everything on my own, other people be damned. Now I'm stuck in a million situations where I have to wait around for unreliable people to just let me down over and over again. My biggest problem is that I care too much, even if I don't show it. I care way too much about too many people and things and they don't care enough...or at all. I'm sick of being stagnant. Of watching everyone else's lives continue moving forward, and I'm just stuck. And the only way to get un-stuck is up to other people's decisions about my life. Like credit card companies, the state of Illinois, the government, healthcare providers, and did I mention men?? I'm just tired of being in a constant state of worry that I can do nothing about.

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